From the Basement

October 17, 2010

“You Are Here” (God is faithful)

God is good all the time.

When I was in the shower getting ready for church, I begged God for an obvious confirmation of the decision to turn down the job. This in spite of the fact that he has sent many reminders: conversations and emails from trusted friends and spiritual advisors who confirm that he has me exactly where he wants me – and that that place is here, at home for the next 10 months, in preparation for marriage, letting him work in me.

God doesn’t always answer that prayer for obvious confirmation. A lot of the time, he offers the grace to endure, and he reminds me to trust him. But this morning, thank you Lord, he gave that obvious confirmation. The title of Pastor Mike’s sermon was “You Are Here: God As My Fixed Reference Point.”

He drew from 2 Samuel 7:18-22. To summarize the history, David is King of Israel and, seemingly convicted over the fact that he lives in a palace and that the Arc of the Covenant is in a tent, makes a decision to build God a grand temple. At first, Nathan agrees with David. But then, God comes to Nathan in a dream, telling him that David mustn’t build the temple – that God desires to dwell with his people and, amazingly, that he desires to bless David and does not demand David’s reciprocation. And this is David’s response (verses 18-22):

Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said: “Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord? “What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign Lord. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant. “How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears.

Mike paraphrases what God told David as, “You’re wanting to get somewhere, but you are here.” Oh, how that resonates in my life!

David, confident in his successes, wants to do something for God. His eye is fixed on what he feels he must do to honor God, to bring glory to God. And this is an honest desire… but it is not what God wants. God shuts David down and says, no, you are not going to work to bless me – I am going to keep blessing you.

Total grace. This is TOTAL grace that God shows to David. Oh, if anyone doubts there is grace in the Old Testament, offer this passage as proof that God’s character truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever!

One thing Mike pointed out that I just love is who David doesn’t beg or persuade or question or sing praises… he just sits with God. He’s just sitting with God, maybe with a cup of coffee in his hand (wishful thinking? Probably). David is comfortably sitting in the presence of the Lord, completely in awe and wonder of the goodness of his God. Our God.

Mike noted how David brings three questions to God:

  1. Who am I that you would bless me, especially considering my family background, not to mention my current circumstances!
  2. On what merits do you decide to bless people?
  3. I know my own heart… why on earth, O Lord, would you bless me?

In this situation, David learns about the unlimited and unmerited favor that God bestows on his people. There is truly no work we can do that will earn this kind of favor. We do not have to work to earn the Lord’s blessing. I don’t have to take this job to walk in his favor. I don’t have to act more sincere or pray more or read scripture more… those things are all nice, but they aren’t in any way connected to the grace the Lord gives. God’s will is accomplished through grace alone.

Ephesians 2:1-10:

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

There was more to the sermon, but the take away message that, for me, confirmed the decision to turn down the job was simply… you are here. I am exactly where God wants me. I don’t need to strive to be somewhere else. So often I am consumed by trying to work for God and find the “right” path and make the “right” decision instead of just allowing the Holy Spirit to work in and through me right where I’m at.

This morning, we opened and closed worship with the song “Forever Reign” by Hillsong. And this morning, this song is my confession: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc&feature=channel

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it’s sting

Oh, I’m running to your arms,
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to your arms
I’m running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

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May 14, 2010

On Waiting

Fact: since I got into college, I have not received or been accepted to any job/school/internship to which I applied. Before every summer, I would be filled with anxiety about where I’d find work, because I’d apply and apply and apply and nothing would come through. So the summer after my freshman year, I waitressed at Perkins, a job I got via my mom’s connections. The summer after my sophomore year, I interned at a regional non-profit in my hometown, also received because of my mom. Last summer, I was the lead teacher for the K-5 kids in a summer program at a local daycare, something I got via my boyfriend’s connections.

God always came through.

And then this year, it was across-the-board rejections at graduate programs. I’ve also been rejected from a fellowship and an internship, and there are several positions that I started to apply for but that were filled before I could finish the application. Right now, I’m waiting to hear from a place I interviewed with about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I’m also waiting to see if the resumes I sent out to some contacts are going to turn up anything. I’ve submitted my resume online to several job openings; nada.

You know what? God’s still coming through.

I’ve been learning a lot about waiting this past year. I don’t know what exactly this post is shaping up to be, but I want to encourage you – in whatever you’re waiting for – to keep persevering. There’s this great quote from Oswald Chambers that says, “He works where He sends us to wait.” There is work being done in the waiting. We learn so much more through waiting than we do through immediate gratification: patience, trust, and maybe wisdom, too.

This has, thus far, been the least anxiety filled May that I’ve had in the last four years, even though by others’ standards, it should be the worst. I’m graduating in two weeks. I don’t have a job. I didn’t get into grad school. I have few job prospects. Networking has not turned up anything thus far. … and yet God is faithful. He is doing a good work. I can sense it. I trust it.

There’s a reason I am not going to grad school this fall, and I think it has to do with learning to trust God and the gift He’s given me: writing. I am officially taking a year off, and I am feeling called in a powerful way to begin to send out my writing. To keep producing work and to start sending it out. It took closing every door possible to get me to pay attention that voice, that still small voice that’s been nagging at me for years.

In the midst of resounding silence, I’ve found a calling.

But I’m also learning to trust. To not freak out. To know that my Abba will do things in his own way and time, and that I’d just better keep praying and waiting. My dismal record of job applications shows that I’m pretty bad at getting work on my own, and yet He has always brought the perfect thing at the perfect time that taught me just what I needed to be taught. And so I’m trusting that He will find a way to provide for me. A voice of worry says, “You need to start paying student loans back in November.” And I pray, Lord, please help me find a way to pay them back. Trust.

I have grown so much more over the last few months because I’ve been waiting – and I am so grateful. At times, the months were anxiety filled; at times, my head was (literally) in the toilet, my emotions exacting a heavy toll from my physical body. But worry accomplishes nothing. Anxiety and fear accomplish nothing. That voice that says, you could be doing more, you should be doing more, you can do it alone – lies.

Ultimately, my confidence cannot lie in my own abilities. Plenty of people do everything right and have nothing turn out. My professors and various others have expressed fury on my behalf that [fill in the blank] didn’t work out. And you all probably know people like that, or perhaps you’ve been in that position or are in that position.

The good news is, we can have total confidence in the promises of our Savior. That he who begins a good work will be faithful to complete it. That he is with us always. That he gives wisdom to those who ask. That he will grant prayers for patience (oh, will he grant them!).

I’m going through a book by Angela Thomas, and the section for today was entitled Pray & Stand. I started to cry when I read one of the verses; it very much articulates where I’m at, and it is an awesome encouragement.

Ephesians 6:13 – “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

He gives us the strength to stand in the face of adversity, of trial, of desert places, of pain, of brokenness … even better, he is there with us. We can trust that he has a plan and a purpose, that – as “Desert Song” says – “All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing… I have a reason to worship.”

When I’m unemployed, I have a reason to worship God. When I’m worried about how I’m going to pay the bills, I can trust him. When I’m filled with fear and anxiety, I can invite him in and watch as his awesome love casts everything else out. I know in my heart of hearts that he fights for me, that he loves me, and that even in the waiting – especially in the waiting – he is shaping me into the woman he wants me to be.

Psalm 118:1, 5-9, 13-14 – “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever …. In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper … It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. …. I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”

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