From the Basement

July 1, 2010

“So… God wants me to be unemployed?”: On Trust, Belief, and Trust

Trust Him. Praise Him.

Those are the encouraging or, alternately,  infuriating, soul-wrenching answers I get when I ask God about his plans for my employment (I hope it’s not too much to assume that I’ll find work?). I have been home since March and graduated since May. It is almost the 1st of July, and I’m still in my mom’s basement. I think many recent grads are in the same boat.

In honor of the classic song “Count Your Blessings,” I’ll count my blessings first. My parents live less than an hour apart and both have opened their homes to me for as long as I need it. I live rent free and occasionally chip in for coffee or pizza with my graduation money. I have no expenses, notwithstanding the Student Loans of Doom that are looming over the horizon.

In short, I’m blessed. I originally wrote “save the whole unemployment bit,” but even with that, I’m still blessed.

And yet, over the last few months, I’ve gone through days where I did not seek him, whether out of spite or laziness it’s hard to say. And then, on the flip side, there are the days that are glorious and praise-full and awesomely productive. And then there are the screaming days. Today was a combination of awesome + screaming.

On days like these, when I go out on my porch and sob and cry and throw a temper tantrum that could rival a two-year-old, I forget that I’ve learned a lot. On days like these, I forget that all things work to the good of those who love him, mostly because I’m too busy thinking that God is planning to use my life as the sequel to Job.

(On days like these, I really hope that Job was a one-time thing and that God’s not planning to do that again.)

In the aftermath of the tears, several truths become apparent. Things I’ve learned over the last few months.

  1. I could do everything right by human standards and still not get hired if it’s not God’s will.
  2. I could do everything wrong by human standards and get hired if God wants me to work there.
  3. God may be keeping me from employment to let me focus on other things.
  4. His name is still Faithful and True.
  5. He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides.
  6. He is using this time to make me into the woman he wants me to be.

As my mom reminded me today, he sees how these months fit into the span of my life. He knows what I’ll be doing a year from now. He knows the names of my children. He knows the plans he has for me. I see what’s on the screen. He’s already directed the whole picture.

I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. In verse 25, it says, she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. A righteous woman who seeks the Lord’s own heart – she laughs at the days to come. Others flee and cower, but she stands strong. Sans peur. No fear. After all, why should she fear? She knows that her God loves her, protects her, is for her, is not against her. She knows that there is nothing on this earth that can separate her from the extravagant, earth-shattering love of God.

God’s love is shattering. It’s such a revelation every time, and I so often feel shattered when faced with it. So painfully, acutely aware of the reasons I don’t deserve it. So ready with excuses of my humanity, of my proud refusal to believe that he means what he says. And yet he comes and scoops me up and holds me against his chest and murmurs in my ear that he loves me, and that he is enough – he is always enough.

I’ll be gone for the next two weeks visiting family and friends, and this evening, I was freaking out to my mom about how I don’t know what I’ll do about job searching for the next two weeks. Unreliable internet, etc. And she looked at me and said, take the time off! Enjoy the time away! I asked, what happens if the perfect job comes up and I don’t see it? And she looked at me, so loving, and asked if I really thought that God didn’t already have everything planned out and did I think I’d be going away for two weeks if he didn’t have everything under control?

And then I did that whole crying/wallowing thing.

And then something wonderful happened. God picked me up, put lyrics in my head that wouldn’t go away, and gave me the title to my next blog post. He uses writing to take me outside myself, to give perspective, to show his love – his shattering, wonderful love that has given me the gift of a two-week hiatus and more opportunities to lean on him and not on my own understanding.

To remind me that unemployment does not define me. That his plans are so much bigger.

Like sunlight burning at midnight

Making my life something so

Beautiful, beautiful

Mercy reaching to save me

All that I need

You are so

Beautiful, beautiful

– Francesca Battistelli, “Beautiful, Beautiful”

Link to video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbCfyZHSQbE

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8 Comments »

  1. I was in the same position, and will be again at the end of this week – I graduated from university last summer and was unemployed through to February this year. Since then, I’ve been temping, but that job finishes tomorrow and I have nothing else lined up.

    The thing that I realised, was that I actually needed a rest! 4 years of hard work (yes, hard work, not hard partying) at uni had really taken their toll on me in every way – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. God’s plan was for me to have some time to recover before being thrown into the world of work – which has turned out to be mentally-draining as well, so the break beforehand really was essential!

    I’m not saying that you needed a break for the same reason – but God definitely has a reason, whatever it may be. As I start hunting for jobs 24/7 again, I’m going to try and remind myself of that! We can only see the doors, and imagine what is on the other side – the grass is always greener, in our minds. God knows exactly what is on the other side of the doors, and if He keeps them locked then it’s for our own good.

    I hope and pray that He unlocks the right door for you soon!

    Comment by somethingcrazy — July 1, 2010 @ 10:30 am | Reply

    • Thank you for sharing your story – that is so encouraging. What’s certain is that I’m on a break right now, and I have a few inklings as to what it’s supposed to be focused on (writing, mainly). It’s interesting how God sometimes forcibly derails us from the path we’re blindly charging down, and how it’s for the better.

      I love how you put that – we can only see doors. What a beautiful analogy. I hope that your search is a fruitful, edifying one this season.

      Comment by girldownstairs — July 6, 2010 @ 2:17 pm | Reply

      • If I wasn’t unemployed, I would probably never have begun writing my own blog – even if it only touches the heart of one unbeliever, it will have been worth it. And I’m sure your honest and open writing on here will have touched many.

        Comment by somethingcrazy — July 7, 2010 @ 7:10 am

  2. I am LOVING these posts! Intense and Pure and Truthful.

    Comment by mikey — July 2, 2010 @ 10:25 pm | Reply

    • Thank you! I’m so glad to hear that. I also love that you comment regularly; you’re such an encourager, Mikey! 🙂

      Comment by girldownstairs — July 6, 2010 @ 2:18 pm | Reply

  3. Hi Im unemployed as well but Gods love is there always.Christopher cross did a song called “ill be alright” and its so encouraging and lifting to hear this tune for all those out of work.

    God bless you

    Phillp

    Comment by phillip — December 14, 2010 @ 7:32 pm | Reply

  4. Amazing story,,, Thak you Francesca 🙂

    Comment by TheLPyrics™ TheLPUnknown — August 21, 2012 @ 2:29 pm | Reply

    • In search to find out why God keeps me unemployed, I came across this story and really it made my day. God bless you and I see that this story was posted in 2010.. it has been 2 years for you Francesca and I trust that you are blessed by now

      LP

      Comment by TheLPyrics™ TheLPUnknown — August 21, 2012 @ 2:32 pm | Reply


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